LOL WUT?

Elections.

This blogger thought they were done. The results, they were announced. E-voting crapped a little bit, but not all over the place. Acceptable. Civil. Respectful, even. Heck, THE most respectful elections we've seen in recent memory.

So....LOL WUT?

The logic of a losing candidate baffles me. "These people ran a slate! They did! We have proof! Don't ratify their election! Give the victory to the runner-up. Oh, wait!! That's me?? LAWL! How convenient!"

No. Wrong. Try again.

Another elections fail. And this time, it's not the Elections Bureau. Wassim, you may stop sweating those buckets. The heat is off you and onto someone else. Life is good.

The bottom line is that those 36% who voted for Seamus...would they *really* have voted for RPG? See, there's the problem. You can't really give it to the runner-up (if the appeal is in their favor), because you can't guarantee that that is the will of the students...

I know more than one Seamus voter who would rather transfer their vote to Steeves...

Use teh e-votz then hold back resultz

So here is how we do things at the fed. Run an online e-vote election then:
“Ou une heure” - Haldenby

Umm what? I thought that kompewtars were fast? Maybe these servers run on faildows or something. But last time I heard computers are really good at counting numbers.

SELECT firstname, lastname, votes from Candidates where position="president" order by votes desc;

Know what that does? It grabs all the presidential candidates and orders them by votes with the winner on the top.

Computers, they are great.

I have a message for you Mr. Dean. Stop fucking with us and get us those damn results. I'd swear you were doing this by paper.

Bucket O' Fail.

Too Much American Apparel Per Square Inch

OMGLOLBBQ!!!!11!!one! Polls are closed. That's it. At least for now. There are rumors of people already wanting to contest the results regardless of what they are...You know, for once, I actually disagree with that idea. I know. Shocking.

I'm hiding away from 1848 until the results. My prediction on the hat percentage was correct. There's also too much American Apparel in that room at the moment.

I sound like a grandma. For the record, I used to be cool. I had a MySpace, and I camwhored like everyone else. What happened?

My 20's.

musch fangks

Hello bloggers and blogreaders!

I'll be at the ipod battle tonight giving away thank-you apples for reading and enjoying our blag.

Look for the guy wearing this bag and tell him, "Give me an apple, AppleDave!"

I totally will.

See you tonight!

seekrit daddi?

Does anyone else hear a similarity between the voices of this candidate and this guy?

Maybe they are the same. Maybe Jim Henson's spirit lives in Jeremy Stuart's body. Maybe they are secretly father and son. Who knows.

In any event, Kermit here got my vote.

The elections will finish tomorrow. I received an email from a student saying they'd like something published in the coming days after the election, and as this is their favourite elections blog, we (and the Fulcrum, of course, but they won't publish til next week) get the scoop. So stay tuned.

The Final Countdown

That's really all I have to say.

Thanks, and have a great election results night.

I'll be at the iBattle, possibly with a funny chapeau. And much, much sauce. Look for the drunk girl with a hat...

OH WAIT! It's a scenester paradise...that'll be 25% of women present. My bad.

Tonight, Pretti Kitti will pee on everything you own. That's a promise.

People have lost their votes/ballots because of Colonel By's internet connection taking a huge dump all over the place. Probably thousands of people have not received their PINs yet. People are actually expressing frustration at the length of time it takes to vote, and are giving up. People are not down with the e-vote.

Me?

Schadenfreude.



I still want my PIN. Nao.

UPDATE (14:38): Pretti Kitti received her ballot and voted. Democracy has never previously flustered me to this extent. Aside, perhaps, for the 2008 Canadian Federal Elections.
Steven Harper has no soul.

Cup o' Fail - Now in SFUO Elections flavour

Well.. here we have it. Elections day. Or is it? Definitely not for me.
Now, it's too early so I am just going to use some images to display how I feel about this great SFUO elections fail that has happened.







Maybe when (if?) this problem gets resolved I will take back my comment about the SFUO elections and it's bucket of fail.
Who am I trying to kid. No I won't.

edit-- Sure... why not add another picture?

I can haz PIN numberz ??!lawl!

It seems that the Elections Bureau is experiencing some difficulties...
Certain students (including yours truly) have not received their PIN at this time.

I woke up super early to get excited about democracy. See how excited I am now? This is what my happy face looks like:
In other news, as reported by La Rotonde, it seems that candidates are having an identity crisis on the ballot...The links leading to their platform (for most) leads to another candidate's (at least on the french version of the ballot).

Oh, and the explanation to every referendum is Kyle Simunovic's platform...

I lulzed, but it's too damn early to be clever about it.

UPDATE (9:50): Still no PIN number.

UPDATE (10:26): For those of you who still have not received a PIN, I am told that if you still have not received one by noon today, there is definitely a problem.

I will update if I get more info on the situation.

UPDATE (10:53): There are reports of people's online ballots not working. More on this, as soon as we get details.


UPDATE (11:14): It seems that La Rotonde had made a mistake regarding the information published under the platforms links. There were allegedly no irregularities.

Hax. Do you use them?

Hax. Do we use them?
That is the question.

The answer is simple. No.

An anon mentioned about teh e-votez and teh hax. Hax we shall not dew.

E-votez. Bad? Yes.

But teh memberz of teh SFUO who oppose this, we are not your army

Nau. Tiem to grab some pillz.

Goin' outside to get teh infoz? No wai!

Some of the fine readers of this blog call us a metablog.

Maybe. Maybe.

But, who is smarter? Us, who use teh tewbs for our infoz or teh n00bz who sit in teh meetinz typin like a goof to get the scoop?

Them? No wai!

So to all the haters out there, bring on some love.

Sit back and enjoi.

another blig

Turns out I missed a pretty solid bleugh. 

SFUO 2009 Election Campaign - just plugging it because this fancy chap seems to have a lot of similar opinions to good old AppleDave. It's well-written and the author is very forward with his views. It doesn't have the charm of LiveBlogging, but it was worth another post anyway.

Also, welcome to the team, Pretti Kitti!

Hmmm...Lawl?

I was just thinking of how funny it would be if some scandal involving strange sources of funding was made public.

I would lawl.

I bet you would too. You sadistic prick.

But that would never happen in these elections...tehy are boring. Nothing happening here. Nope. Nothing.

Shame.

EPIC FAIL!

o hai!
Student politicians are always prime candidates for lulz, and RPG does not make exception to the rule.
Once upon a time, there was a thing called Google.

Google is a pretty cool guy. Eh reveals your darkest online secrets to your future employers and doesn't afraid of anything.

If you're ArrrrghPeaGee, that means betraying deep, dark conservative values (scroll down to see, duh!).



Thankfully, our student journalists, always thirsty for scandals and blood, are all over the Google lulz. They know the rulez.

1. Take very uncommon name
2. Place in Google
3. Find bigoted message board post
4. ???
5. Profit!

Foar this reezon, Pretti Kitti would liek to give the Epic Troll award to La Rotonde, for knowing that the Internetz always hides people's best kept secrets. La Rotonde is also a pretty cool guy. Eh lieks scandalz, and doesn't afraid of anything.

Also, the Epic Fail awardz to Meestur PEEJEE foar forgetting to cover up his internets tracks before running for office.

bleg of all blag-bloogs

Nothing overly exciting has happened for me to blog about since my exclusive story about Seamus being a werewolf. So, I have decided to review a bunch of the other electoral blogs for you until I have something juicier.

SFUO Soapbox - right now the soapbox is a to-the-point set of debate infos, and I do not see it getting fancier. It's sorted by candidate, so it's clean and easy to read, but it's a little bland. If you want the dry, as-is info that came out of the candidates' mouths at the debates (and I am assuming it will continue to house similar information as this goes on), this is your box. If you want something a little more entertaining, I'd like to know why you're reading about elections ;-) I give this blag a 6750.76 out of 9001.

LiveBlogging the BOA - ahem. This is the SFUO elections. You are either advertising falsely or not doing your job. Or a combination of the two. Also, your blag is way too pink. Contrasted to the soapbox (above), LiveBlogging is a little more relaxed but has less direct, useful infos. Not like this blag. Fedesaurus and I only have the most useful, relevant information for you. However, I really admire her sense of humour, and her use of in-blog links to emphasize her point. I might be in love, if not for all that pink. 6750.78 out of 9001.1.

UPDATE! UPDATE! UPDATE! While I was writing this, it seems the pink left! Now I am in love. You earn 2000 extra points for this fantastic reskinning decision! This is what it used to look like:

SFUO Blog - I liek the vidjas. This is intervewes with the candidates, video-style. I imagine they are not too bad either, based on reading a couple transcripts. "Unfortunately", vlogging is not a new concept, so you also ought to tack "unoriginal" onto the end of your negative adjectives there, chief. Maybe "unimpressive" too, since I was not impressed enough to press play. Without watching any of the videos, I arbitrarily give this blag a 999 out of 9999. Fail.

iBlogSFUO - This one is interesting. It is much more of a chronicles of Amalia Savva's journey down the road that is fed elections. This blag is also bilingual, which is worth some points. I'd say 141.62. For a personal blag, it isn't bad, and it showcases her human opinion of the candidates, which is actually a nice view to have. Amalia, you've earned 5233+141.62=5374.62 out of 9000.00004 points. Good work!

UOelection09 - Mostly just contains answer-these-five-questions profiles on candidates that seem to have been received by email. It's moderately satisfying though, and contains a lot of profiles alongside a few actual blog posts, so it will get moderate points. 11610 out of 21451 Octal.

Elections 2009 de la FEUO, Tristan Denommee - this blag is English, these linked ones are French. Isn't that nice? You guys, for blogging the other side of the 'lingualism so thoroughly (and from what I hear, really well and really controversially), I've decided to give you 9000 points to split. Decide amongst yourselves how to split them.

So who is the winner? Well, obviously this is the bestest blug evar, but I cannot give us points. That would be biased. So, keeping that in mind, I think it is clear that Seamus Wolfe is the winner. Instead of reading blogs, just go bask in his beardiness for a while. I hear it has healing powers.

MK dne Mortal Kombat :'(

Foar those of you... dne is does not equal.

In this case we mean, THE MAN! The ONE, the ONLY, the KING OF SPAM!
Sadly though, it is not the burger king. It's THE Mr. Marc Kelly. (Who... despite his notoriety is very hard to find high quality images of).

Today, during debates the question of zombies and apocalypses came up... I am thinking something along the lines of the union between the set that is zombies, and the set that is apocalypses. So that leaves things out like the horsemen and such. Anyway, less talk about the various kinds of apocalypses and more talk about that MK dude.

He claims that we are like zombies, because social conditioning has made it so (or something along those lines). Well I would like to debate that. See the picture on the right? That is a fucking zombie! Does he look like he is in a mindless state behind an office desk counting beans for "the man"? I think not. He wants to eat a baby. Or maybe a small child. It's rather hard to tell to be honest.

If I would have to start a hate for everyone for following societal norms... I would prefer to say that we are more like robots. It makes more sense. Zombies are driven by pure instinct and survival. Robots. Not so much. They are programmed, follow schedules, procedures, and so on. So your fresh out of university jerk is more like a robot. Programmed to do "the man's" bidding. Is this necessarily a bad thing? I wouldn't say so. That is... until fucking skynet happens! Then those kids who work for the man will shed their fake skin and show everyone who they really are! MK - do your stuff. Fill our minds with a different set of ideas that will make us all unique.

Wait a minute.

Teechin teh newbs

So, Checking out the #sfuo twitter feed. VoteRox posted a link. A link of fail.

But don't let that get you down. Here is a kewte little pictar. Maybe this will cheer you up a tad.
Now, tiem to begin teh tewtorialz on tinyURL!

Number won - find websaite yew want to tinyize
Number tew - go to tinyURL.com and paiste in teh linky barz
Number three - take result, and perform some copypastaz on the twitter.
Number foar - ???
Number five - PROFIT!

End teh tewtorialz.

BREKKIN NUUUZ

ZOMG! HERE'S WHAT I WANTED! EXCLUSIVE SCOOP BY APPLEDAVE:

You might have wondered how Seamus Wolfe came unto such a powerful last name. Well, here is a photo from his first shoot for the election. He wasn't aware that the moon was full when it was happening:



That's correct. Would you elect Seamus (Were)Wolfe knowing this? I still would. At least I know that if anything goes wrong, a silver bullet is the answer. You can't be sure about any of the other candidates.

Vote Seamus. We know his weakness.

badger badger badger badger

Let's talk referendums. I'll talk, and then I'll say "yaya" or "nono" to each, and you'll vote that way. Sound easy, right?

The food bank is tasty, like your mum, which earns it some puntos. Plus, poor rez kidz need it. Yaya.

ACRES can have the money that goes to iHouse or to clubs. The Indian Student Federation doesn't get special treatment, so these Indians don't need to either. Then we're picking favourites, you racist. Nono.

This SLS thing sound pretty at first, but at least the Bilingualism Centre and the SAC do not need that money. The Pride Centre, WRC, CEHR, CSD, and iHouse are all the same service for different people - they help students get their luvvinz from other students, which is fine cuz nobody likes haiturz. The food bank and the PHC and Foot Patrol all help students stay students and (excluding the PHC) stay alive with no moneys.

But what of the SAC and the Bilingualism Centre? Those aren't services that require extra "emergency money." Sure, students are better thanks to them, but everyone would be just fine without them. Not as good off, but just fine. The other services are a rung above. Keeping that in mind, they are already getting plenty of cash, and we should give the "emergency money" to the more valuable services. So this referendum needs to be thrown out, and we need to vote on each service individually, methinks.

Not only that, but SLS screws up your mouth and skin. You can't vote for that. Nono.

Referendums 4-6 are non-issues. If people want to have their cancers and eat it too, they can do it on their campoos. If they want to send their dollahz to poor and/or dying chaps, let them. If they don't, that's fine too. But don't tase me, bro. Nono, nono, nono.

Hawt campaigning

O hullo thar! I'm Apple Dave, an Engineering student. No, I don't hate womanz. I'm here to share my favourite campaignery so far. This list below is a small set of people who have won or lost my vote through outrageous or fantastic campaigning or ideas. For now, you get four. If I'm swayed by anything else in the next week, you'll see that right here at sfuolulz

Marc Kelly - Here's a novel idea. Submit a proposal unrelated to your field to a prof who will reject it and ask for something else. Finish the project anyway and submit it, past the selection deadline. Whine and cry until you're deregistered from the program, barred from campus, and arrested. Email the entire school about it over and over and over. Then! Oh, this is where it gets good. Now that everyone knows who you are, you can run for SFUO President on a freedom-of-ideas platform. This guy is probably running the best campaign of them all, but unfortunately, I think he's terribly unfit for the job. While the other fancy-pants campaigning I've seen has won some of my votes, Marc just can't do it. Sorry, champ.

Jean Guillaume - A VP Social candidate. jeanguillaume.ca is beautiful! Nothing says "I'm a heck of an event-thrower" like "Welcome To DiscountASP.NET! If you can see this default page, then your site is setup!" Obviously he's too busy partying really hard and planning the greatest 101 Week in the history of man, and having a hot time doing some cool slam poetry at all the hip local spots, and just hasn't had the time to set up his website. THAT's a VP Social. I'm sold. Vote Guillaume.

Brandon Bay - The only BOA candidate for my faculty. I'm not even sure he's campaigning at all - there's no platform, website, blawg, or plethora of posters to be found anywhere. At least as far as I can tell. I can't decide if he's lazy or over-confident about running unopposed. It isn't even like he's got a big name to run on (Seamus Wolfe could pull off a win without campaigining, I think). A friend of mine said he thinks Brandon has been involved in student politics before, somehow. So I might have heard of this guy second-hand. Whatever it is that's keeping him from campainging though, I love it. His laissez-faire attidute toward the elections makes me think he'll bring a refreshing don't-take-student-politics-so-seriously view to the BOA. Or he'll be a useless tit, but I don't have any other choices, so I'ma give him a shot.

Maureen Hasinoff - I would love a full kitchen at 1848 and the Agora on campus. The kitchen should've happened a long time ago, perhaps even at its grand opening. The Agora is probably about the bookstore having an exclusivity deal with the University. For the same reason, there was no Pepsi on campus when I started my degree. Now there is - these deals are usually not indefinite. On top of that, the Pivik exists alongside Chartwells just fine - why can't we have two on-campus bookstores? Her other ideas are solid, and Roxanne has been completely unremarkable, so I don't see any reason not to vote Maureen. I'm actually serious this time - vote Maureen. Once again, vote Maureen.

Keep your eyes here, I'll have some breaking news to reveal to you about Mr. Wolfe later today.

Otherwise, but not for any stand-out reasons, I am voting for Jeremy Stuart, yes to Lamarche, no to Seguin (burn, lawl), and no to every referendum except the food bank fee increase (I love that service. The food is super tasty).

- Apple Dave

Oh, PS, Fedesauraus is right - if we're attacked by zombies or velociraptors, Steeves is our guy.

Voting foar prezident - serious bizniss

When it comes to voting for a president, there are clearly some very important requirements that must be met. Let's take a look at our candidates shall we?

First up - Renaud - initials - RPG. Now, when I think of RPG only two things come to mind.
Japan and CoD4. Both kinda scare me.
So minus 1 on the voting scale, for now.

But! Let's look at his advertising campaign. "I believe in RPG." Dark night inspired, quite nice. Only problem. Harvey Dent. I believed in him, then half of his face got burned off and he went crazy. If our friend here can ensure that if he gets in a freak accident (which leads to loss of half of his face) and not go crazy, well that is kinda awesome. Also, it would probably be really good for meetings with the admin. You would be about 2 steps away from fire-proof. Plus 12 points.

Next in line - Steeves - Well... he does have a velociraptor girlfriend. So he probably knows the best way to defend against them.

This also implies he is probably ready to fight off zombies. So... if in the next few weeks we get invaded by raptors or zombies. This guy is your man.

NEXT! Mark Kelly - umm... kool-aid

Finally - Seamus. Wolfe. On their own they are powerful, but together they are awesome. Now, this isn't the only thing that makes Senior Wolfe a good guy. Look to the right, yeah! That! Pure win.

So, what point score can I come up to with this? It's really hard to say. Infinite is far too much, but anything that is double or triple digits isn't enough. He has to definately be at least a 4 digit score. I don't know where to score him though... I will just give him over 9000.

---

So here we have it, Seamus is the winner. But it's really the beard that is the winner in this case. May the beard lead us into a brighter future.

Unless there are zombies. Then I say Steeves usurp him and lead us to fight off the zombie hordes.

Images are teh bestzors

So I decided to browse some peoples websites. They are wonderful!

I am stuck in a personal debate though. What makes a website better?
Using images to display everything?
Storing everything in tables?

Well... i figured. Images are the shit.
Well Mr. STEEVES filled my heart with love.

I figured I would make a shop for him, a lovely shop.

I think she likes him too.

There is only one thing that would've made this site full of win.

And so it begins.

Here at sfuolulz, I'll be taking a slightly different approach to this so called "Elections 2.0" coverage.

In it for this omglol iPod touch?
No.

I'm in it for the lulz.